It'd be a hell of a lot of effort for it just to be a lie.
[His breathing still isn't steady, and he's making no move to dry his face, still a mask of horror.]
Naoya, I... to be honest I don't want to believe you, I don't want to believe you have to carry all that by yourself, but everything you've said, what you wrote, where we are - even human cruelty is almost too much to believe in sometimes.
[He pauses, and bows his head for a few moments, tangling his hands in his hair as though he's trying to pull the thoughts from his brain.]
Before I came here I was in a place that can be drawn out of Chaos by two things: the return of its ruler, or by suffering on a scale humanity is only starting to figure out how to inflict on itself, which... also calls that bastard out of whatever piece of Hell he sleeps in. The anguish of every murdered soul, the terror of the people on the ships my country turned away, the rage of those who died fighting, the horror of people who welcomed the Red Army and then watched their cities fall all over again... they prayed to a God I was told was loving to save them, and instead their rage called forth one of those absolutes you told me don't exist. All because we've figured out how to do this to ourselves. Why should the Divine kind of cruelty be any different, if we're made in that image?
It's not that Akira believed you that's got me agreeing with him. It's my own doubts, and it's your anger. You don't have a reason to lie about something like this.
[He shakes his head, then.]
So... yes. I believe you. But I can't give up my faith for it. Even with everything I've just said, everything I saw as the Church smuggled us through Europe to investigate that place... even if it's just an excuse for people to treat each other decently, I saw enough good people working under the aegis of the Church that I didn't lose hope when I came close to it. Even if it's calling out to an empty throne, aspiring towards something that never existed, I don't want to leave behind people united in trying to set the world to rights. I don't want to stop hoping that maybe there's a reason for all the good in the world, somewhere, even though I know that's childish. I'm not as strong as I should be, probably.
[the narration would just like to say that for the record, Jonathan's obliquely referring to and looking at Pius XII's efforts to stop genocide with contemporary eyes and the historical community's "could have done a lot more" came afterwards, and the narration's own opinions are not her character's.]
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ninetydegrees
i just couldn't go in on the war crimes stuff after all, sorry.
[His breathing still isn't steady, and he's making no move to dry his face, still a mask of horror.]
Naoya, I... to be honest I don't want to believe you, I don't want to believe you have to carry all that by yourself, but everything you've said, what you wrote, where we are - even human cruelty is almost too much to believe in sometimes.
[He pauses, and bows his head for a few moments, tangling his hands in his hair as though he's trying to pull the thoughts from his brain.]
Before I came here I was in a place that can be drawn out of Chaos by two things: the return of its ruler, or by suffering on a scale humanity is only starting to figure out how to inflict on itself, which... also calls that bastard out of whatever piece of Hell he sleeps in. The anguish of every murdered soul, the terror of the people on the ships my country turned away, the rage of those who died fighting, the horror of people who welcomed the Red Army and then watched their cities fall all over again... they prayed to a God I was told was loving to save them, and instead their rage called forth one of those absolutes you told me don't exist. All because we've figured out how to do this to ourselves. Why should the Divine kind of cruelty be any different, if we're made in that image?
It's not that Akira believed you that's got me agreeing with him. It's my own doubts, and it's your anger. You don't have a reason to lie about something like this.
[He shakes his head, then.]
So... yes. I believe you. But I can't give up my faith for it. Even with everything I've just said, everything I saw as the Church smuggled us through Europe to investigate that place... even if it's just an excuse for people to treat each other decently, I saw enough good people working under the aegis of the Church that I didn't lose hope when I came close to it. Even if it's calling out to an empty throne, aspiring towards something that never existed, I don't want to leave behind people united in trying to set the world to rights. I don't want to stop hoping that maybe there's a reason for all the good in the world, somewhere, even though I know that's childish. I'm not as strong as I should be, probably.
[the narration would just like to say that for the record, Jonathan's obliquely referring to and looking at Pius XII's efforts to stop genocide with contemporary eyes and the historical community's "could have done a lot more" came afterwards, and the narration's own opinions are not her character's.]