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[crouching_sin]

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[belheir]

[ Well, he's got him there, but: ]

I can really just take the couch.

[ Is what he says, but he's also dutifully trailing after Naoya, in case he trips or something. ]

[crouching_sin]

If you want.

[He's not going to force Kazuya to do it either way. He does stumble, but he doesn't fall. He manages to stumble into bed, flopping face-down onto the bed.]

[belheir]

[ Yeah, yeah. He says that, but Kazuya can see him stumbling. It's always like this. Why is it always like this?

Hes such a good younger brother, he thinks, adjusting the sheets so that Naoya is under them rather than on top of them. It's the least he cam do.

Well, that and sit on the bed too, resting his back against the headboard so he can keep watch on him, just in case. He's... a little worried. ]

Just get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up.

[crouching_sin]

[He grunts in response and curls up, closing his eyes. He just needs a nap... it's fine.]

[He's totally not leaning into Kazuya, no.]

[belheir]

[Yeah, yeah. Just a nap.

A nap which Kazuya eventually also falls victim too, because sitting around doing nothing isn't the most exciting thing in the world to do. Also the call of a warm bed is also alluring.

And unfortunately for Naoya, Kazuya is a sleep hugger, meaning he gets trapped by an arm holding him close, and he may or may not be slightly drooling onto his pillow.

Disgusting.]

[crouching_sin]

[He wakes up suddenly when he's trapped, breathing hard and starting to panic. He realizes what's going on soon enough, but it's still going to take a minute or two in order to get his heartrate back down.]

[belheir]

[ Unfortunately, Kazuya is a deep enough sleeper that he doesn't realize anything is wrong. He does, however, pull Naoya in and cling tighter at the small, rapid breaths he's giving. ]

[crouching_sin]

[He tries to pull away and starts attempting to pry Kazuya's arm from around him.]

Hey.

[Stop???]

[belheir]

[ He wakes up at that, but only just barely. Kazuya grunts, shuffling against him.

Naoya does not get released.]

You stop. I'm trying to sleep.

[crouching_sin]

i'm not - you're trapping me.

[There's a slight note of panic in his voice. Kazuya? Stop?]

[belheir]

[ It's the note of panic that wakes him up fully, and he more or less bolts upright in his own panic.

Is Naoya okay? Is the first thought he has, pulling his long gangly limbs to himself only to reach back out towards him and hover in concern. ]

What happened? Are you alright?

[crouching_sin]

[He does his best to push away from Kazuya, trying to keep himself calm. It's not working.]

You're. Trapping. Me. I can't -

[His apartment is small but not claustrophobic. That's by design. Being held down is... not great for him.]

[belheir]

[ It clicks as to what's happening. He remembers episodes like this from when they were younger. Of Naoya waking up panting with his heart racing in the night, having a panic attack.

He remembers thinking it odd, when he was so young, checking it off as just him afraid of the dark.

It's definitely not that.

Kazuya pulls back more, giving Naoya the room he needs. ]

It's alright. You're safe, Naoya. You're not trapped.

[crouching_sin]

[He takes a few deep breaths, his heart starting to return to its normal pace. He'd had episodes like this when younger, when Kazuya would unintentionally pin him down in his sleep. It wasn't that he was afraid of touch, it was just...]

[He's been trapped for so long. His very soul aches at the restraints that he's been dragged down in. He closes his eyes and centers himself.]

[It's fine. He's safe. He flushes slightly and turns away.]

... I've been trapped too many times. It's not... your fault.

[belheir]

I know.

[But it also doesn't feel great, to be the one who caused the panic attack to begin with.]

Do you want me to leave?

[crouching_sin]

No.

[He presses his face against Kazuya's chest. No. Not while he's like this. Not while he's vulnerable. He can't let anyone see - even if he knows that there's no one to see it.]

... It's not your fault.

[Not his fault that he's so strong... it's his own fault. But admitting that out loud feels... awful. So he won't.]

[belheir]

[Alright. Naoya doesn't want him to leave, so he won't. He'll bring an arm up over his shoulder, letting it hang down his back. This way it's not trapping him, and he can move either left or right to escape, should he choose to.]

I know.

[He repeats again, ducking his head down against Naoya's.]

[crouching_sin]

... I'm just...

[He huffs and closes his eyes. He's so trapped and it's difficult to feel as if he'll never escape. He's doing what he can, but he's failed - at least in his own timeline. He'll figure something out, but it's... disheartening.]

I didn't mean to wake you.

[belheir]

Naoya... It's alright.

[ He'd have rather gotten woken up than for his brother to suffer in silence anyway.

He pats his back, hopefully soothingly. ]

I'm more worried about you.

[ But... he also doesn't really know how to comfort Naoya properly. It's always been reversed, with Naoya comforting him more often than not. ]

[crouching_sin]

You don't need to worry about me.

[He doesn't need to, but... well. He can.]

Your strength is just... unusual. In terms of those I share a bed with.

[belheir]

[ Ugh, this is a moment they're having, but then he has to go and say that and make it weird. He's...

Going to actually resist saying something about it, and instead focus on him. ]

I'm going to worry about you because it's my job as your brother to worry.

[crouching_sin]

[Did he - ugh, he's too tired. He could have phrased it better. But he sighs as Kazuya calls him 'brother'. It's true, but he knows the other doesn't like to say it.]

I know. I... just don't like you having to bear any of what I have.

[belheir]

[He doesn't like to say it in public spaces, between the two of them, it's fine.]

Naoya... You're not alone anymore. You don't have to keep things to yourself and bear it all on your own. You can share your burdens, I'm not going to leave you.

[It's one of the reasons he'd bound himself to him, after all.]

[crouching_sin]

... I know.

[He repeats it, softer this time. He's doing his best. He's fortified himself, used to defending on his own. But to let someone else in? To truly let them in? It's hard. It's the hardest thing he's ever done.]

I have... dreams. Memories. They blend together... but nearly all of them have some amount of feeling trapped. Small spaces, bound by promises, or physically being held down... it's rare that I see open sky in my dreams.

[belheir]

[ He doesn't want that for Naoya. Any of it. He doesn't want him feeling trapped, either physically or in his dreams. He doesn't want him to have nightmares. ]

Then I'll figure something out. To help you stop having these dreams. We can dreamwalk here, right? So if I go into your dreams, maybe I can fix them.